How to Maintain Your Emotional Health After Therapy

So, you’ve done the work. Therapy has helped you move through a difficult season, and now you’re in a steadier, brighter space. That’s such a milestone. But I often hear the same question at this point:

“How do I keep this going? How do I maintain my emotional health?”

It’s an excellent question — because emotional health isn’t something we “fix once and for all.” It’s more like tending a garden or keeping a house clean. It takes small, regular care to keep things in good shape.

Your Window of Tolerance

One of my favourite metaphors, based on the window of tolerance (developed by Dan Siegel), is to imagine curtains in front of a window.

• When the curtains are wide open, the sunlight streams in ~ that’s your happy, grounded, resourced space. You feel resilient and able to handle life’s ups and downs.

• When the curtains start closing, it’s a sign of stress. Your tolerance shrinks, and small things feel overwhelming.

  
  

  

There are two sets of skills we use here (most likely discussed and explored in therapy):

• Distress tolerance skills — these are your “emergency tools” when the curtains close tight (distracting yourself, phoning a friend, urgent self-care, sometimes even reaching out for professional help, DBT’s TIPP skill).

• Emotional regulation skills — these are the everyday mindful habits that keep your curtains wide open.

The focus of this blog is on these maintenance skills ~ the gentle, daily practices that keep you well.

Keep going

Take time to reflect on your therapy journey, perhaps journaling or drawing sketches, writing poems, or just jotting down bullet points. What are the key messages, insights, reflections, skills and strategies that you draw on? Recognise and celebrate even the small wins. For example, if you successfully managed a stressful situation using techniques from therapy, acknowledge that. This recognition builds confidence and encourages you to keep applying those skills every day.

Daily Check-In-Self-Meetings

Think of it like a little meeting with yourself each day. Just five or ten minutes in the morning, and the same again at night. Ask yourself:

• How am I doing?

• What am I thinking?

• What am I feeling?

• Is there something I can do to support myself?

I generally say that you can’t always change your emotions, they just show up. But you can shift how you think or choose what you do next. These micro check-ins help you stay tuned in, rather than drifting into autopilot.

Morning routine

Building on this is to look at what you do immediately (as in the first few seconds) as you awake. This is such an important time as you transition from sleepiness to more wakefulness. Some of us can jump out of bed, make the bed and are ready for the day! The other lot of us need some gentle TLC. Wiggle your toes, wiggle your fingers, gentle, ever so gentle, do a body scan. Maybe now you can stretch and yawn, or recite a karakia/ prayer, a line of a poem, or give thanks for the new day. Then it is a matter of “just do it”, put that foot on the floor! And make your bed.

The Basics Matter (More Than We Think)

I know it sounds simple, but the foundations of wellbeing really do make the difference:

• Movement: Not everyone loves “exercise,” but find what works for you. A walk, yoga, stretching, dancing in your kitchen. Movement helps reset the body.

• Food: Not too little, not too much, and as nourishing (and as close to the earth) as possible.

• Sleep: Huge one. If your sleep starts going downhill, treat it as an early warning sign. Don’t ignore it.

• Connection: For some of us, that’s solitude in nature. For others, it’s time with a couple of close friends or family. Find your balance.

Noticing Thoughts and Emotions

A big part of maintenance is paying attention to what’s happening inside. The more you label, notice, and name, the less power unhelpful thoughts and feelings have over you. The concepts would have been unpacked and explored in your therapy sessions, so here is a brief reminder again:

• Thoughts: Practice unhooking from them. Instead of “I’m a failure,” try “I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.” That tiny shift creates distance.

• Emotions: Get curious. Name what you’re feeling with accuracy. What lies beneath what I am feeling? For example, sometimes anger hides sadness. Sometimes, constant crying indicates unexpressed frustration.

• Action (what I do). What is the smallest step I can take that will bring me closer or more in alignment with my long-term emotional goal? Or do I need to take an opposite action to my feeling? For example, if fear is holding you back and you’re not actually in danger, the antidote is usually courage.

• Sensation: embrace the world of sensation, that beautiful inner landspace that is the key to our embodied self (see the blog on Inner Landscape: https://www.emotionalhealth.co.nz/post/exploring-inner-space-a-starting-point-for-emotional-health)

Savour the Good Stuff

When you’re in a good space, don’t just breeze past it. Pause and soak it in. I sometimes tell clients to imagine bottling the moments of their “resourced state”, e.g. a moment of joy or awe, like a perfume — something you can “smell” again when harder days come.

Savour & Anchor

Notice what your body is doing, and how your body feels when things are going well, when you feel better. Maybe your shoulders are relaxed, your breath is deeper, or you catch yourself smiling. This body memory is part of this anchoring or savouring process.

Resources at Your Fingertips

We live in a time with so many free resources:

• Apps like Insight Timer (my favourite — and the free version is great).

• YouTube or Spotify – search “mindfulness,” “guided meditation,” or “breathing exercises.”

• This website – I’ve got some guided practices here too .

The key is to find a few favourites and save them in an easily accessible way, so you don’t have to think too hard when you’re already stressed.

Boundaries and Putting Yourself First

One of the most powerful maintenance tools?

Remembering you matter too.

If you’re part of a family, a team, or a community, your well-being influences everyone else’s. Cultivating relationships is vital for your emotional well-being. Make an effort to connect with friends and family. Share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust. According to studies, individuals with strong social support report higher levels of happiness and lower rates of anxiety. You might also consider joining local support groups or community events to build a wider social network.

Self-care, so important!

However, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential. That may mean setting boundaries, saying no, or pausing to ask: “What works for me in this situation?”

In Closing

Emotional health is like keeping a home clean. You don’t vacuum once and call it done forever. You give things a tidy every week (a lesson well learnt from my mum!). Small, regular upkeep prevents the build-up of “dust”: the stresses, the worries, the little things that otherwise pile up.

Therapy has given you insight and tools — now it’s about practising them in daily life. You don’t have to be perfect. You "just" need to notice, adjust, and return to balance when you go “off course”. Stay informed, invest in your own self-development, keep growing, and know when to reach out and ask for support.

This might also imply returning to the therapy path, as we keep circling the never-ending journey of self-exploration

But for now, you’ve already done the hard work. Now it’s time to keep those curtains wide open and let the light in.

Author's note:

Dr Carien Lubbe writes from her work as a psychologist in private practice in Tauranga, Aotearoa New Zealand, where she supports people to strengthen emotional resilience through Somatic Experiencing®, trauma-informed psychology, and nervous system regulation. Her work is grounded in embodied approaches that gently support people to reconnect with themselves and navigate life’s challenges with greater steadiness and care.