Mindful Sleep: Finding Calm Before Bed

Mindful Sleep

Some days are heavy. A few days ago, I had a tough day, more so than usual, and I found myself grumpy, irritable, not at all how I wanted to go to bed. I could feel the inner critic rising, trying to hide the parts that were not performing, not coping. Parts that were tired. Parts that were exhausted. Parts that felt not good enough, wanting to do better …

Maybe you’ve held difficult moments in your life too, managed ongoing challenges at home, juggling family and work, caring for unwell pets, and then feeling your body whispering — or shouting — that it’s tired. Maybe your toes ache, your back is tight, or you haven’t had a chance to move your body.

If this sounds familiar, know this: there’s nothing wrong with you. Your system is full. It’s done enough.

So how do we go to bed and prepare for rest, knowing we need to let go? How can we soothe ourselves into mindful sleep and wake up the next day with renewed energy, maybe even a little skip in our step?

Here’s one thought. Tonight, you don’t need to solve anything. Tonight your only task is to be a mammal at rest. Let go of the unfinished things:

·       The challenging situation

·       Family dynamics

·       Your body aches or is in discomfort

·       The voice telling you you “should” have handled it better

Imagine placing each concern, or “unfinished thing,” into a small woven basket beside your bed. You can picture it clearly, or simply allow your mind to set it down. Go through the list, piece by piece, placing it in the basket. No performance. No fixing. Just settling.

Place each concern, or “unfinished thing,” into a small woven basket

You’re allowed to be off-duty. Your nervous system knows how to downshift and come to rest. You’ve done enough for one day.

Reframing is a simple but powerful psychological skill to develop. It’s especially helpful when we want to cultivate more mindful sleep.

Instead of, “I’m not on top of things,” try, “I stretched today, and stretching can feel tender.”

Instead of, “I should be handling this better,” try, “My system worked hard today. Of course it needs rest.”

Instead of, “I feel off,” try, “I am integrating.”

There’s a big difference. Small shifts like these can help our nervous systems drop out of high alert and into rest.

AND then! In the morning, before touching your phone:

·       Place one hand on your chest, one hand on your belly.

·       Ask gently, “How do I want to move through today?”

Perhaps not productivity, but a gentle wondering about what feels right today. Maybe it’s:

·       One creative thought

·       One clear boundary

·       One honest conversation

·       One small body movement

·       One moment of awe. We do live in Aotearoa. Step outside and let the land regulate us.

Tonight, let yourself be held by gravity. Let the earth do the holding. A gentle reminder: sleep is not something you achieve. It’s something you allow. Let your body sink into the bed. Let your jaw soften. Let your shoulders drop. Let your breath lengthen.

"Good night. Sleep tight!”

Let the earth and gravity hold you

Author note:

Dr Carien Lubbe (psychologist) writes about mindful living, self-reflection, and ways to nurture your nervous system. She explores everyday moments, encouraging gentle self-talk, presence, and the art of being. Feel free to explore the website.